I wish I'd known...about parents

From Jane:
So, what one thing do I wish I'd known before starting children's work? This may or may not be relevant, but the first thing that came to my mind was when I first started teaching in an infant school. Nobody had told me about the parents! They were terrifying, and had so much more experience than me. I didn't know what my role should be with them, I though I was just there to teach the children. I guess it's similar in church. We join teams because we love the children and want to teach them about Jesus. But what about the parents? How are we interacting with them? How are we encouraging them in their parenting and their discipling of their children. I think even new young leaders can engage with the parents. It lifts my heart when I hear that one of my children has prayed or shared something helpful.

I once led a training session called “No child is an island”. In other words, all children come in some kind of family or group (even if that’s a foster family or some kind of residential care). And yet we can easily run our groups as if a child is an isolated unit. So, as Jane asks: What about the parents?

The Bible makes it clear that the primary responsibility for the spiritual education of children lies with parents, and especially fathers, eg: Deuteronomy 6 v 4-9, 17-25; Psalm 78 v 1-8; Ephesians 6 v 4; 2 Timothy 3 v 14-15.

This doesn’t mean the children’s and youth work doesn’t matter - it does, and especially for those who don’t have Christian parents. But we are in a partnership with parents - and we are the lesser partner. That means looking for ways to support families and help parents fulfil their spiritual responsibility. That could be a whole blog series on its own, but here are a few thoughts to start with:

• Get to know parents and give them opportunities to know you – this could range from some kind of “meet the team” evening where you socialise and talk about the aims of the group, to simply arriving early enough so that you’re free to greet parents when they bring their children (rather than rushing around doing last-minute prep and therefore not being available to speak to anyone).
• Let parents know what the aims of the group are, and what you’re going to be looking at this term. (If you’d struggle to do that, maybe you’re not planning far enough ahead??)
• Try to provide opportunities for families to follow up the theme at home: for younger children that might be a sheet with some ideas for the family to do together, for teens it may simply be the Bible passage
• Give a phone number or email of a leader who is happy to be a point of contact for parents with questions. This doesn’t necessarily need to be the overall leader.
• If your group includes a child with special needs, ask the parents for advice about how best to welcome and support their child.
• Invite parents to come to a presentation of the theme you’ve been exploring. Older teens might make a video; younger children may like to display their crafts.
• Don’t leave all the parental contact to the main leader. As Jane says above, even a new helper can encourage a parent by telling them how things are going.

Note: some of the above may work best with younger groups where children are happier for their parents to be involved. With older teens, wisdom is needed to know how best to keep in contact with parents without a teenager feeling that confidences are being betrayed. But parental responsibility applies to all ages, not just young children, so it’s still important to find ways to build up relationships with teenagers’ families.