Revenge porn. It’s the sort of issue we’d like to assume is just “out there” rather than inside the church. But it isn’t.
We’d like to think that all the single people in the congregation are walking closely with the Lord – and that all the marriages are rock solid - but they’re not. Some are sleeping with people to whom they are not married. A few are taping their physical pursuits. And when the break-up comes, occasionally one disgruntled party posts explicit images online to humiliate, to hurt and to hate.
It’s not a weekly occurrence in the average congregation but it happens. And when it does, lives can be wrecked – emotionally and spiritually.
How would your church respond? Would there be compassion? Rebuke? An awkward silence? It’s worth taking some time to think it through before it hits …
Long to honour Jesus
Before doing a thing, it’s worth checking your heart. What’s the dominant motivation? A desire to control, to mete out revenge or a deep commitment to wanting to see both parties become more like Jesus? Let the latter come to the fore – and quality time on our knees is a good way to ensure that it does (Eph 4:15).
Love all those involved
There’s no getting away from it, the Christian call is to love (1Jn 4:7). We follow a Saviour who spoke tenderly to the woman caught in adultery (Jn 8:1-11), the woman at the well on her 6th partner (Jn 4:1-26) and the prostitutes he willingly welcomed at table (Mt 9:10). The early church was packed full of people – male and female - who had come from a wayward background and they were welcomed into the congregation to sit under the teaching of the gospel (1Cor 6:10-11). The Bible’s standards for sexual ethics may be higher than secular society’s (Eph 5:3) but there is no place for pride in our hearts. The best first response to anyone involved in revenge porn (as victim or perpetrator) is love in abundance. Make sure both parties know they are still welcome to meet up with people from the church – whatever they have done – even though distance from one another may be necessary.
Listen to what’s really been going on
It’s always best to ask questions of both parties before jumping to conclusions. Was the sex consensual? What factors encouraged them to walk away from God’s path of purity? What were they thinking when they posted the images online? How does it feel to have been humiliated in this way? We cannot support someone well until we know them well.
Lead them to the cross
It’s the privilege of every Christian to point those around us to the cross of Christ. It is there that all find forgiveness for sins committed and compassion for sins committed against us. The person who posted the images online may well need to be challenged for their actions full of hate. There may be – as a last resort – a place for church discipline. The person who has been humiliated by the images, and the swathe of hurtful comments that follow, may well need to be reminded of who they are in Christ and how much they are loved. Both may need reminding of the good call of purity. But more than anything else, all involved need the cross – for mercy, restoration and hope (Romans 8).
Lighten the burdens
When someone’s been involved in revenge porn, they need practical help. Talk to the perpetrator (or ask someone else to) – help them see the evil in their heart, the carnage caused in their former partner’s life and their family’s lives too. Show them the dishonour that has been done to God and encourage them enthusiastically to remove the images. Consider going to the Police with the victim – their powers are limited but sometimes there are things they can do (especially if there has been coercion). Approach site owners and see if they are willing to take down the images. Source biblical counseling for all those involved so they can talk through what’s been going on. Welcome the families into your home to encourage and pray. Walk alongside those who are struggling in the name of Christ.
Lobby authorities
The government in the UK is starting to think through how to legislate further against such online abuses. It’s a legal minefield so they need prayer and encouragement too.
The devastation that revenge porn can wreak in a church is immense. But, in the hands of the living God, there can be hope, restoration, love, justice and growth towards spiritual maturity. That’s how great God is!
