Tom Daley and the search for safety

If you use Twitter, listen to the radio, or read the papers, you’ll know that Monday’s big news was the diver Tom Daley: not his sporting prowess, but his relationship status. He’s announced that, while (and I’m deliberately using the words he chose) he still fancies girls, he’s been in a relationship with another guy for around six months.

Tom is, he says, very happy—being with this guy makes him “feel safe”.

Reaction to Tom choosing to publicise his relationship has, generally, been very positive. And, of course, the reaction most Bible-believing Christians will want to jump to is the exact opposite—a negative one. That’s understandable because, while the Bible is clear that God loves all people, sent his Son to die so that anyone can be saved, delights in giving people eternal life if they turn to him and takes no delight in judging those who choose not to, the Bible also makes very clear that active homosexuality is something that goes against God’s design for us, is an act of rebellion against him as ruler, and so (if forgiveness isn’t asked for) leaves someone outside his kingdom, for eternity, though not beyond forgiveness (eg: 1 Corinthians 6 v 9-11).

But here are two points that are worth Christians pondering, and then two things I’d love to think Tom Daley - and others - might be brought to ponder.

First, the British Swimming chief executive commented that, in essence, nothing has changed—his organisation was supporting Daley’s bid to win diving gold at the Rio Olympics in 2016 before he “came out”, and they still are. And, from a Christian point of view, the same is true. Active homosexuality is a sin, but it is not THE sin. Unrepented homosexuality leaves someone outside God’s kingdom no more and no less than unrepented greed, or lying, or self-righteousness. In Romans 1 v 21-32, Paul lists homosexuality as an outworking of rejecting God as Creator and Ruler alongside envy, gossip, etc. So if my reaction to his announcement was more negative than if he’d said: “I find myself hating those who are better divers than me, and that spurs me on to train harder” or: “I think I’m a good person, so I’ll go to heaven” or: “I often lie in interviews, it makes life much easier”, then that is likely to be exposing a prejudice I have, that God doesn’t share. On the final day of judgment, the question will not be “Who did you choose to have, or not have, sex with?” but “What attitude did you take towards my Son?” Assuming Tom Daley wasn’t living with Jesus as Lord and Saviour the day before he got together with this guy, nothing in his status before God and his destination in eternity changed when he began that relationship.

Second, there are parts of Tom’s comments that we should affirm him in. Imagine you knew Tom (maybe you do) and he asked you what you thought. I’d want to say something along the lines of that I’d noticed how often he talked of feeling safe, and that that desire to feel secure in who you are, and what you’re doing, and where you’re heading in life, is completely understandable. We all feel it—and he’s been honest enough to accept that he can’t find it in achievement (after all, he’s achieved far more than I ever will), or in dating girls, or even, sadly, in family, because as Tom has discovered, death takes our loved ones away. So I’d want to affirm his search for safety—and I’d want to suggest that ultimately, this guy simply can’t be expected to give that, fully and permanently. I’d want to affirm the search, but challenge the solution—and point to the only One who gives that kind of security about who you are and what you’re doing and where you’re heading, and then (and only then) warn that finding your safety anywhere outside Christ (be it a guy, a girl, a medal, a career, a family, and so on) means that you will not be safe beyond death.

All of which means that I’d hope that someone making this kind of decision, whether in private or in the full public glare of the media spotlight, might ponder two things:

First, this relationship will feel right to you, and feelings should not be ignored, but should they always necessarily be followed? After all, you’ve never lived life before, and presumably you sometimes feel like doing something that you know isn’t a good idea. How do you know that your feelings have got it right on this occasion?

Second, have you considered what God feels, and thinks, about how you are living, not simply in this decision but in your general approach? If there will come a day when his opinion is the only one that matters, then isn’t it worth finding out what his view on this relationship, and everything else, is? You will find lots of people who will tell you what you want to hear—that this is all fine (though of course true friends are those who love you enough to tell you when they think you’re wrong). You will find one guy who will tell you what you don’t want to hear—but that guy claimed to be the God whose opinion matters eternally. What if Jesus were right about who he is, and how you stand? What if Jesus were right that he’s the only one with whom we are truly, and eternally, safe?

And lastly, I'd love them (and all of us) to spend some time on this website, set up by some people who feel similarly to Tom Daley, but have discovered the reality of true safety in Christ: www.livingout.org, twitter handle @LivingOutOrg.