The dating game

I read an article last week about the difficulties of finding a fellow believer to date and/or marry. Perhaps some of these quotes sound familiar:

• It is not just convenience that drives him to seek someone with similar beliefs. It is also a question of ethics.
• The numbers ought to favour men, as __________ women outnumber them by about three to one. But in practice it doesn't work out like that, he says. __________ women, it seems, are more willing to tolerate a non-_________ partner.
• Of course, there are men, too, who are prepared to be flexible – or maybe have little choice. G became a ___________ at the age of 12, while growing up in the north of Scotland, where there was not much hope of going out with a ____________ girl. “They are hard to come by in Aberdeen," he says.
• M accepts his girlfriend's diet. "There are relationships in which, though the people are completely different, they support each other's beliefs – and it works," he says.
• Although M is not going to change his beliefs, with the passage of time he sees that he may need to date a non-____________ if he is to find his life partner. "I would definitely prefer to go out with a ____________ but you cannot choose who you fall in love with."

OK, you’ve probably worked out by now that this isn’t about Christians looking for other Christians to date. It’s not about religious beliefs at all. The article was on the BBC news website last week about the difficulties vegans have in finding other vegans to date and/or marry.

But I was struck by the similar issues – and particularly the question of whether to date a non-vegan. There are vegan dating websites out there, but it can be hard to find a vegan partner. So some – and especially women – decide it’s better to compromise than end up single. Sadly, I know several Christian women who have made just that compromise, deciding that being married and a mum are higher priorities than obeying God’s Word (2 Corinthians 6 v 14).

I do understand the pressures – I’m writing this as a single woman – but this article also got me thinking how we, as believers in Christ, are so very different from the people in this article. 1 Corinthians 10 v 13 says:

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.” – and as we’ve seen, the temptation to compromise on who we date isn’t unique to Christians. But Paul goes on: “And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” – so, in a crucial way, our situation is not the same as vegans, or any others looking for partners with shared beliefs. Because we have a faithful Lord who has promised not to load us with more temptation than we can bear, but instead to give us all we need to stand firm.

When I first read the vegan article, I was amused by the similarities between their situation and ours. But I’m aware that some of you may be struggling with this very issue right now. If that’s you, can I encourage you to turn to the Lord for the help He promises? And also to talk it through with an older Christian you trust.

And if this isn’t an issue for you, you’re bound to know single Christians for whom it is. So this may be a good moment to pray for them – and maybe, if appropriate, find an opportunity to listen to their struggles, and point them to the Lord for all they need.