I’m guessing it’s not just me. Most of us know what it’s like to be keen to pray for a while but then slump and find ourselves struggling to send up anything more intimate than a panic-laden arrow prayer when a crisis hits. But even though we know what it’s like to be there, many of us flounder when a friend asks us for help to tackle the poverty in their prayer life. Here, continuing our Wednesday afternoon pastoral series, are our tips on how to help someone get their praying back on track:
1. It’s great you want to talk to God more
It’s easy to focus on the negative: your friend’s prayer life is going wrong. But any request for help is a something worthy of praise: Jesus is at work in this person’s life and they are wanting to be more like him. How wonderful is that?!
2. You’re not alone in stumbling in your prayer life
It’s good to admit that you are a fellow-struggler. Sometimes people can assume that they are the lowest of the low, pathetic excuses for followers of Christ, because every other member of the congregation bounces out of bed at 6am to engage in fervent intercession before breakfast… They don’t! The conversation you are about to have can be full of mutual encouragement (Hebrews 10:24) because you both need it!
3. When and where do you pray?
It’s worth finding out the facts. By “struggling with prayer” do they mean: “I’m only praying 3 hours a day instead of 4” (yup, I’ve had that – rather humbling - conversation with a friend!) or I haven’t spoken to God in months … or something in between? And it’s good to ask if they are setting aside time to pray or if they are trying to pray while running for the train with their iPod blaring. Prayer can take place anywhere but too many distractions are unlikely to aid deep conversation.
4. What kinds of things do you pray about?
Frequency and location are not the most important indicators of the health of someone’s prayer life. 12 hours a day spent praying for a lottery win is far more worrying than 1 minute a week spent praying for the salvation of unbelieving friends. Tease out if their prayer times are about getting what they want or humbly submitting to what God wants. Talk through if they are focusing on the physical at the expense of the spiritual. Investigate whether they are avoiding personal repentance and praise. Ask if they ever pray for themselves – some people don’t. Are there any big issues in life that they are avoiding bringing to God? It’s important not to make them feel judged by you but equally important to work out what’s really going on in their hearts.
5. What is your prayer life saying about your relationship with God?
Fact-finding is all well and good but there comes a point when you need to join the dots. If someone is persistently telling God what they want rather than asking God to make them more like Jesus, maybe they haven’t really understood what it means to submit to God as King? If they are avoiding big topics maybe they are holding some sinful attitudes that need challenging? If they never pray for themselves, maybe they’ve forgotten how much God loves them? If they have given up prayer all together, maybe they are discouraged and becoming convinced that God isn’t powerful enough to work? If they are praying lots but still feeling guilty about how pathetic they are at prayer, maybe they have misunderstood grace and are becoming legalistic in their approach to their relationship with Jesus? The options are endless – finding the right one is key. Of course, it might just be that they are exhausted, surviving on 3 hours sleep a night as a new baby screams the house down … this isn’t a spiritual problem at all!
6. What truths about God would it be great to remember right now?
Once you have a handle on the ways in which the person’s relationship with God and practical strategies may be going astray you can remind them of relevant, biblical truths. You can make a call on what is most appropriate but, if in doubt, why not try Psalm 27? A great reminder of God’s love, God’s priorities, God’s power and a conversation starter for the topic of when God seems to stay silent.
7. Can you tell me about a time when God answered your prayers? What was that like?
One simple way to encourage people to get their prayer life going again is to encourage them to remember how great it is when they are praying!
8. What one thing could you change about your prayer life?
We’ve all done it. We’ve had a chat, acknowledged our struggles and then planned to become awesome intercessors! And then we crash and burn within a few days. Change is a gradual process. This week, aim to change just one thing! Can you friend commit to praying for one thing each day? (Monday – a personal struggle; Tuesday – for wisdom for their church leaders, Wednesday – the salvation of an unbelieving friend etc ?). Reminders can be popped in diaries – electronic or paper. Or can they use one of Paul’s prayers eg Ephesians 3:14-21 as a template for their own prayers?
9. How can your brothers / sisters help you pray more?
Think about how you can encourage your friend during the week. Can you text encouraging Bible verses on prayer? Or on God’s nature (1 John 3:1 is a great reminder of our status)? Can you pray for them? Can you ask them how it’s going? Can you commit yourself to taking the same step they are and gently hold each other accountable?
10. Can we pray right now?
There really is no point in waiting. Sometimes it’s good to just pray!
