Maybe they ask for a quiet word after the service and tell you about their struggles. Maybe you spot them staggering home from the pub one evening and looking embarrassed as they catch your eye. Maybe you gradually begin to notice, whenever you pop round, they have a drink in their hand – no matter what the time of day - and you know you can’t say nothing. Sound familiar? Then you may well have a friend who drinks too much. But how can we – as fallible brothers and sisters in Christ - help them? Here, continuing our Wednesday afternoon pastoral series, are our top tips of ways to begin:
1. You are a precious child of God
Paul was an apostle who spoke plenty of tough truths but he often began by reminding his hearers of God’s incredible, loving, saving work and their privileged status as children of the King of Kings. He was also keen to tell people how much he was praying for them. Read Colossians 1 if you don’t believe me! His is a great example to follow.
2. How much are you drinking?
It’s always good to find out the facts. Exactly how much alcohol is being consumed? There are guidelines available to help tell if alcohol consumption is likely to be causing any physical harm but any level of persistent drinking (even at levels that are lower than the recommended limits) sometimes point to spiritual problems.
3. How do you and those close to you feel about your drinking?
Find out if your friend sees their alcohol consumption as an issue or not. It’s also a good idea to gauge how others are perceiving the drinking: Spouses, flat-mates and colleagues can have an interesting take on what impact the drinking is having on your friend. The idea is not to start gossip but to get the person struggling to self-analyse and seek opinion.
4. What are you masking when you drink?
Alcohol is a chemical blanket. Some people try to cover up shy-ness and use alcohol to make themselves more outgoing. Others cover up anger or pain, using the daily pints as a numbing agent. Still others see it as release for the symptoms of over-tiredness, the one thing that will help them switch off. A few reach the point of addiction.
5. What truths about God are you ignoring when you mask your feelings with alcohol?
By running to alcohol to give courage, consolation or relaxation, someone is running away from the God of all strength, comfort and rest. And that is never a good plan. Most people won’t realize they’re doing this, so gently, lovingly, helping them tease that out can be quite a revelation.
6. How can we tackle the root cause of your drinking?
Whether the person is struggling with anxiety, a rocky marriage, a traumatic past that still haunts them, a persistent drive to push themselves to exhaustion or something different, there will be an underlying issue to address. Think through who else can be brought into the situation. Is there a need for counseling? Rehab? Repentance? Dialogue? Finding a new job? Getting a Scriptural perspective on life? Think practically and biblically.
7. Can we look at Scripture together now?
God’s word is transformational so opening up the Bible is a fantastic thing to do. It’s great to look at a range of passages over time: those that remind people of God’s forgiveness (eg Psalm 51); those that speak of the possibility of change (eg Colossians 3), those that tackle the root cause of the drinking and those that relate directly to the need to exercise self-control in regard to alcohol (eg Ephesians 5).
8. How would your life look different if you were to run to God rather than a bottle?
Aim to be specific. Think about when temptation is most likely to hit … talk through how the person in question can think, speak and act in ways that honour God. Talk through the good option of giving up alcohol completely and finding other ways to deal with the very real pain of life. If you drink yourself, you might like to give up alcohol too to show solidarity with your friend. If you gave up a while ago, share any tips you have about what it’s like to live without alcohol.
9. Can we pray?
It is God who changes hearts, so it’s good to ask for his help as soon as possible. Why not use Ephesians 1:15-23 as a starting point? And think about who else in the church can be asked to pray and offer some encouragement too.
