Children's work - effective discipline

During this blog series we’ve seen that there’s no such thing as “just a helper”, we always need to start with the passage, that we focus the fun on the main teaching point, and that children learn best if we provide a range of learning styles. All of these things have a bearing on the single topic that most children’s workers worry about – discipline!

Discipline is a planning issue

Children are sinners – just as we are. Their sinfulness sometimes shows itself in bad behaviour. Ours can show in how we respond. But the way we plan a session can minimise discipline issues, making it easier for children to control themselves, and for us to focus on teaching and modelling Christian truths.

I’ve observed groups where lack of preparation by the leaders has meant the children are expected to sit quietly doing nothing for ten minutes before the next activity is ready. Most adults would struggle to do that, never mind children. I’ve also seen children mess around because they’ve got bored by an activity that is too easy, too hard, or simply too long.

If we build in some of the things we’ve looked at earlier – a range of activities focused on the main teaching point, a mix of learning styles – this will help to keep children engaged and interested. It’s also wise to aim for a mix of lively and quiet activities. So, don’t hype the children up with a loud, competitive quiz just before expecting them to listen quietly to the Bible story. But if the children come straight to you after sitting in church for half an hour, do give them a chance to let off steam.

You won’t prevent all discipline issues this way, but by wise planning you can minimise the situations that can trigger behaviour problems. And alongside that, you need to be sure that leaders and equipment are ready, so that you don’t have l-o-n-g pauses between activities. If you give children nothing to do, they’ll find something of their own – and it may well not be something you want them to be doing!

Discipline is a team issue

“You can’t kick that football in here.”
“But John said we can.”
“I don’t care what John said – I’m telling you to stop kicking that ball.”
“But that’s not fair! I’m going to ask John – he’ll say we can play.”

This sad scenario is so, so common. John says one thing. His co-leader says another. And the children are quick to play one off against the other.

“Sally, stop talking to Ruth – I’m telling the Bible story.”
“Sally, I asked you to stop.”
“Sally!”
“Mrs Brown, please will you go and separate Sally and Ruth?”

This scenario is common, too. And it quickly leaves the person telling the story feeling that they must be “rubbish” at discipline. But the truth is that discipline is never just the responsibility of the person at the front. And Mrs Brown should have spotted the problem for herself and quietly sat between Sally and Ruth before it got out of hand (and disturbed the rest of the group).

Discipline is always a team issue. The exact rules don’t matter as much as everyone in the team knowing what they are and consistently sticking to them. This is one reason why I say there’s no such thing as just a helper – because children will often seek out that helper to get them to agree to something they know the overall leader won’t say yes to.

The answer is to get the whole team together, discuss and agree on what the behaviour expectations will be in the group, write them down so that everyone can be clear (and you can give a copy to any new team members) – then agree that you will all stick to them. At that same meeting, discuss how the whole team can work together to minimise discipline issues, and calm them down if they occur. In particular, think about how the rest of the team can help when one of you is at the front telling the story, running an activity, leading a prayer, etc. What behaviour issues might arise, and how could other team members intervene so that the issue is handled quietly?

There are no simple, quick-fix solutions to discipline – and won’t be while the children and adults are still sinners. But if you approach discipline as being both a planning and a team issue, you can minimise the problems, and develop effective responses when things threaten to get out of hand. And that’s important because, ultimately, discipline is a gospel issue. We want the children in our care to have the maximum opportunity to hear, understand, and respond to the fantastic gospel message about our Lord Jesus Christ.